Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Somehow it all fits

Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what the heck I am doing here on this planet!  Take my creativity for instance.  How did I become an artist?  If what I want is a successful life; is this time of addictive creativity part of it all or am on some wild goose chase or delusional?!?!

I'm fluent in 'you are where you are' language and 'if you weren't supposed to be here you would be somewhere else' philosophy.  However, even with that knowledge and those teachings in mind I still question what I'm really up to.  How is what I am doing affecting the world?  Is it?  I don't want to live a life where I am not positively influencing the world.

These may all be nothing more than the musings of insanity and with it occurring so frequently it is hard to ignore.

How do I become so utterly comfortable with where I am that I no longer question it?

That question leads to another.  Do I want to become so comfortable that I no longer question it?

The irony of continuously wondering who I am and what I am here for, is that it does propel me to try new things.  Create more.  Reach out more.  Be brave and courageous.  Say out loud 'I am an artist'. 

I have to admit that without my insecurity I probably wouldn't be where I am today.  Without this little bit of doubt I probably wouldn't be moving forward in baby steps to find out what's next. 

I can look back on my entire life and see that every thing I've ever accomplished came in baby steps.  Many times I wondered why I was where I was, doing what I was doing.  To me; life seems to be a constant miraculous mystery; one step leading to another.  One person leading to another. 

Somehow it all fits; especially when you don't know what the heck you are doing!

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