This is who I am....

Lately I've been getting to know the child in me a little better.  Or maybe I should say I've been allowing myself to express my inner child more outwardly lately.


I have always felt like a kid in an adult body.  I love to sing, dance, move, laugh, color, create and dream!  I love toys and bright colors, I love children and listening to their thoughts and sharing moments with them.  And I have also always criticized myself for that. 

I think one reason we criticize or deny our inner child is that we were all kind of raised to believe that children should be seen and not heard and so when we are indulging our inner child we feel ashamed and embarrassed by it.


Each one of us has something about us that makes us appealing to the world around us and yet we constantly criticize ourselves for allowing our authenticity to light up the world.

I enjoy the innocence of my inner child.  I enjoy her laughter and her free flowing spirit.  She is healthy and strong and she deserves to be seen AND heard.

I have recently decided to start a group for grown ups that wish to re-connect to their inner child.  My intention is to have a variety of creative and simply play activities available for those who attend and for us to be able to have simple conversation about how it feels to let go of our inhibitions for a couple of hours and indulge in "play therapy".

Thinking about this workshop makes me giggle.  It proves to my inner child that she is important to me and that I am interested in opening other people up to allowing their inner child to express themselves as well.

Do you know what your "special" quality is that makes you someone people want to be with?

Sometimes our most special quality is the thing we discriminate against the most within ourselves.  But that quality that you think is embarrassing or unnecessary matters to everyone around you, it is most likely the quality that attracts certain people to you in the first place.

Personally, I think becoming aware of these qualities within ourselves and taking ownership for them brings us tremendous power, a feeling of relief in knowing that this is who we are.

Instead of fighting against your innate abilities, your gifts and tools of the trade; embrace them, appreciate them and acknowledge the courage it takes to do so.

 

Internal GPS

As the Christmas season settles down and you are sitting back in your chair taking a much needed deep breath and relaxing, I want you to take inventory of how you are feeling in this moment.

Because all we really have is this moment.  Nothing else.  We have not been guaranteed more moments than the one we are currently experiencing.

Focus your attention on your thoughts.  What are you thinking about right now?  Happiness, Joy, Gratitude, Money, Disappointment, Resentment, Hurt, Anger?

Focus your attention on your face, shoulders and stomach.  How are these places feeling right now?  Calm, Soothed, Soft, Tense, Chaotic?

And now focus on your legs and feet.  Are they in any pain?  Are they relaxed and enjoying this peaceful moment you are taking for yourself?

And now how are your emotions?  This will be your biggest indicator of how you have handled the holidays.

Our emotions are our personal GPS systems that tell us each moment of every day whether we are headed in the right direction or going the wrong way down a one way street.

You will experience feelings of panic and anxiety if you are going the wrong way.  You will feel unsettled in every part of your body and it will not feel good if the direction you are going is taking you to a place of more discord.

If what you are looking for in 2010 is a better year than the one you just had, more energy, prosperity and happiness.  The first step you need to take is to establish an intimate connection with your emotions.

We are constantly negating our emotions.  If we are feeling anxious we push through to the other side no matter how much your stomach is turning.  When we are feeling uncomfortable and unsure we ignore those warnings and move forward anyway, most times only to find out that where we were headed wasn't all that desirable to begin with.  What about your sadness?  What do you do with that?  Heck, we even ignore moments of extreme happiness.  It passes us by so quickly and we forget to stop for a second and enjoy the moment.

Can you imagine yourself taking emotional inventory throughout your day?  Where do you think that would take you?  What do you think would happen if you took stock of your emotions when you wake up?  Perhaps you didn't sleep well and you woke up a little grumpy, knowing this in advance of interaction with others puts you at an advantage, because it is only when you are aware of your emotional set point for the day that you can then do anything about it.

When we ignore our emotions we are ignoring our internal GPS system.  I know all of you out there with a GPS in your vehicle wouldn't think of ignoring it while you were taking a trip where the destination was unknown to you.  Life is a journey where the destination is unknown and yet we are quick to ignore the little voice that tells us "you are headed in the wrong direction".

Just for today, take note of every emotion you are experiencing.  And pick one emotion that you will consciously decide to acknowledge and act upon.  Doing this will reactivate that intimate connection that I was talking about.  Your body will respond to that precious acknowledgment in a very beautiful way.  Take notice of that as well, take notice of the muscles relaxing and the stress fading from your mind & body.

Just for today.

Refuse to give up

When I reflect on this past year, I would have to say that this could possibly have been this year's motto.

My brother completed suicide in March, I systematically removed myself from dealings with my mother and sister because of a conflict in perceptions regarding my brothers' death, I endured nasty phone calls and emails and facebook musings because of this.  My husband and I were on the edge of separation and we dealt with my teenage son's threat of suicide as well.  There were other little disappointments thrown in as well but nothing unmanageable.

Through out the year I wondered how I was going to get through all of this.  There were many moments when I could have easily given up.  I can't count how many times I would announce to the Universe that I was throwing my hands in the air, that I was ready to toss my beliefs into the pit, give up the fight and join the craziness of those I was fighting against!

But I never did give up, because in those moments something would happen to me.  I can't explain it really, but a feeling would come over me and I would know instantly that if I did that, if I gave up, that I was losing out on the most profound experience of personal growth in my life.  With that knowledge in hand how could I possibly throw in the towel?

By sticking to it, by standing my ground and holding firm to my beliefs I grew into someone strong and courageous.  I know this to be true, not by looking in the mirror.  I don't see the change there.  I see the change in the people who surround me now, the people who surround me and who are in my life at this moment are the strongest, most caring and supportive people I have ever known.  They have lived a life like I have and they have refused to give up!  The people who surround you are a direct reflection of yourself.

Refusing to give your power over to someone or something is one of the most noble acts in this life.  Maintaining your strength and power in the chaos of this world is by far the hardest thing you may ever do.

But make no mistake it will also be the greatest gift that you give yourself and the people around you.

I know we have all hit a wall or two this year.  And although this year has been challenging, I'm sure you would all agree that it has been full of amazingly inspiring and uplifting moments as well. 

I learned so much throughout 2009 about myself, about other people, about forgiveness and the power of awareness.  I would not give up this year for anything in the world.

It was the year I shined!

Happy Solstice Everyone!

Today is the Winter Solstice....  Can you feel it?

I can.

I feel like I am on an energy high!  I feel the giggles bubbling up now and again out of nowhere.  And I feel totally and completely free of any worry or tension.

It's a blissful place to be and I hope it will stay for days and days.  I would love to have this feeling everyday!

I found myself experiencing some weird energetic symptoms in the days approaching the solstice.  I was feeling spacey and disoriented, not able to find my vehicle in the parking lot and not being able to put names to faces at a party I attended.  A really weird feeling of disconnection to all that I was doing.

I also had some things happening with my vision.  For instance, while driving home from doing some Christmas shopping I had to pull over momentarily because the energy that was swirling around in front of me was so distracting I couldn't concentrate on the road ahead of me.  It started as small swirls then grew into bigger swirls and bubbles of white, purple and turquoise that kept swirling and bubbling in my vision.

My dreams have been quite spectacular also.

All of these things can be attributed to the solstice.  The solstice marks a new beginning, a rebirth.  It's an exciting time and if we all pay closer attention we can see how it is affecting us on an energetic, emotional & physical level.

When we approach a solstice; things may feel a little uncomfortable, like something is just not quite right somehow, but as we move through it we begin to feel more connected to our higher self, we feel grounded, alert and ready to take action in our lives. 


Whether we are aware or not, we are changing vibrationally with every solstice, with every full moon, with every new moon, with every new beginning and end in the Universe.  These are all guide posts to our energetic evolution.  Each one carrying a vibrational pattern that affects our own unique vibration, encouraging us to grow and move forward. 

This is a seriously exciting time.  Something many of us have been waiting patiently (or impatiently if you are like me) for.  A time of renewal, of finally stepping into our "God" given power.


It doesn't stop at adults.  Children and pets feel the changes in the energy more so than adults sometimes.  They are much more sensitive and aware.  Pets will behave uncharacteristically and children will be full of energy, excitement and uncontrollable laughter!  My own children have been full of the giggles and are totally uncontrollable with their emotional outbursts the last couple of days.  I have heard of some people's pets suddenly behaving wildly. 

If you've never before thought about how the solstice affects you, I encourage you to google it.  Google "energy symptoms of solstice" or something of that nature.  You may just find exactly the answers to why you have been feeling the way you have been feeling the last little while.

Happy Solstice to you!

Just the way I am

Something interesting happened to me yesterday.  I fell in love with myself!

This may sound kind of funny.  To some people it may sound selfish or arrogant.  But it's true and it feels really good feeling this way.

It probably wouldn't be such a big deal to finally fall in love with ME if it wasn't for the fact that my entire life I haven't really been comfortable with who I am, sure sometimes there were glimmers of "like" thrown in, but nothing like this.  I have always struggled with feeling unworthy of others love and affection. 

There are times in my life when I feel absolutely "in my zone".  Reiki is that time for me.  Also, when I'm experiencing or learning something new.  It's during these times that I feel completely on task and on purpose. 

But there have been many other times when I feel lonely, isolated, unworthy, unloved and invisible to the world.  Am I destined to just muddle through life?  Or is there another reason why I am the way I am?



Why do I feel uncomfortable working in a mainstream job?  Why do I behave the way I do around certain people?  Why do I network the way I do?  Why do I procrastinate to the point that it debilitates my business?  Why do I always feel like I need to prove myself to everyone?  Why do I seem to always travel the bumpiest paths?  Why do I feel unworthy of financial abundance?  Why am I comfortable living the life of a hermit?  Why do I feel guilty when I indulge in something that makes me feel good?  Why is it when I stop going to the gym and taking care of my body my life seems to stop moving? Why is it that I can't be happy just settling with one thing in life, why do I constantly seek something to learn and experience?  The list of why's goes on and on.

These questions and more were all answered for me yesterday when I took part in a hand analysis session with Rosemary Heenan of Heart Power Coaching.

Our hands contain each and every aspect about ourselves.  They are like our own personal road maps.  Each detail intricately woven into our fingers and palms.  Some things I learned we have the power to change, certain lines on our hands can change if we make enough changes to our lives.  For instance I have what's called a grid on my left hand that indicates starts and stops with regards to business/career and that makes sense because of my procrastination issues, but I wasn't born with that grid, I created it myself and I can remove it from my hand print if I choose to do so.

As I had my hand & finger prints analyzed and explained to me I quickly realized that my entire life has been exactly the way it has had to be.  Each characteristic of myself is who I really am.  I have spent years apologizing to people for being me.  Not that they needed an apology but I always felt like I wasn't good enough, that my strengths were my weaknesses.  Now I see that my strengths are my gifts and that there is nothing weak about me!

I also see that the lessons that were mapped out on my hand have been lovingly played out for the 37 years of my life.  Each person and experience has been placed in my life to shine a light on my purpose and my lessons to be learned.

Fascinating doesn't begin to describe this process.

I felt a great burden lift off of me yesterday.  There are so many things that I have been denying myself out of guilt, fear and lack of money all these years.  These are the very things though that my soul needs in order to fully evolve and be healthy!  Take for instance the fact that I have decided not to attend the gym for the past 4 weeks now because of lack of money for gas.  Our financial situation hasn't changed, I just decided this was a good move to "save" us some money (I seem to always worry about money), since I didn't need to go to the gym anyway.  I can see clearly that my life changed when I made that decision, and with each thought of putting the membership on hold to save even more money things seemed to get worse.  What I found out through my hand analysis is that self love is right at the top of my list when it comes to what my soul needs in order to survive.  Going to the gym translates into love of self and therefore opens me up to receiving abundance from the Universe because I am loving myself.  I can feel that this is my soul's truth, the information resonated within me and filled me up with the wisdom that when I make this slight change and honor my bodies needs I will once again be on track.

I feel as though I've been given permission to love myself!  To accept who I am on every level and be that person that I've been denying all these years.  The freedom of this knowledge is life giving!

We all know what our purpose is, it can be seen in our every day tasks that we love, it can be heard in small whispers if we are listening and everything Rosemary told me I already knew and had already been addressing in my life but the confirmation of the whole story is what made this experience something I will never forget.

And there was something else about this experience.  Making a print of my hand and then looking at it in black and white was awe inspiring!  We don't see the details in our hands when we look with our eyes, but when you see it in black and white the image that is in front of you is a work of art!  Our hand prints are a true divine work of art!  And if our hand prints are a divine work of art and hold all the information about who we are.....then doesn't that make US a divine work of art also?

Living within your vortex

Last Saturday when I attended the Intuitive Art Workshop with Maggie McLeod, my last piece of art included a big colorful vortex (looks like a tornado) right in the center of the page, with bright yellow and white drawn down the center.

I had some knowledge of vortex's prior to this but wasn't sure why one was showing up on my art.  Maggie pointed out to me that Abraham Hicks speaks at great length about vortex's and maybe that would help me to realize why it was showing up for me.

So I went YOUtubing : )

I found a ton of information about vortex's and what it means to live within your vortex. 

There is a stillness inside of our vortex.  A place where we can connect with our true selves on the deepest level.

One thing that struck me about one of the Abraham Hicks videos was the one about praying and it made so much sense to me.  He spoke about how we pray.  Most of the time we are praying for things, money, success, love, patience, direction, guidance, the list goes on.  As much as our intentions are good, we are in effect praying outside of our vortex, those prayers are heard and answered but they rarely have the same effect on our lives when we receive what we are asking for as praying inside of our vortex gives us.  When we pray inside of our vortex we pray more in appreciation of the things that we already have, we ask for blessings for everyone on this beautiful planet, the good and the bad.  Everyone is equal when we are inside of our vortex. 

I know that I have quite often prayed outside of my vortex.  My prayers would begin with thoughts of what I don't have and then I would continue on with the long list of things that I felt would make my life better in some way.  I rarely included anyone outside of my circle of connections in my prayers.  Once in a while I threw in a "Thank you for all that I have" but that seemed to be a rare occasion.

After watching the Abraham video on praying I realized how far off track I was in my connection to my divine creator and to living within my vortex.  I seemed to be good at staying peaceful, calm and loving when I felt like it or when I was surrounded by people I wanted to be that way with, it was fleeting and it felt like a job.  It took a lot of energy for me to be in that place that wasn't genuine.  I was lying to myself about the person I was and so found it hard to accept compliments on my behaviour because somewhere inside of myself I knew I wasn't "living in my vortex" and I rarely let anyone see me with my guard down.  It felt like I was living a lie.

I see "praying" inside the vortex and "living" inside the vortex as being one in the same.  There is a place within me that believes that all we do in our lives is a prayer.  The thoughts and actions we put into anything converts into a request to the Universe and so is essentially prayer although we aren't aware of it.

I had an experience yesterday.  My purse was stolen out of my unlocked vehicle while I volunteered at a Christmas Pasta Lunch for a local school.  I entered my vehicle expecting to pick my keys out of my purse and carry on my merry way, but my purse wasn't there.

Earlier in the day other people volunteering were notified that there was someone in the parking lot checking car doors and so they all went out to check their vehicles.  I wasn't present for the warning and so was the lucky winner of the draw to have her purse stolen.  Thankfully it wasn't much more than a slight inconvenience to cancel vital documents and have them replaced.  The biggest loss I think is the purse itself, it was a gift from my family for my last birthday.

What I found fascinating about this experience was my reaction, or rather the LACK of reaction I had to having my purse taken.  I knew I had left the door unlocked so that made it fair game, I didn't feel violated or angry just inconvenienced.  I actually felt sad for the person who took it.  Thinking of what it would be like to live a life tethered to your addiction and having to steal to maintain it.

This incident showed me how much I was living inside of my vortex that day.  It was a total confirmation about how when you are living inside of your vortex material things aren't the priority, there is no sense of violation because you are aware that there is a higher purpose for everything in your life.  I knew in that moment that something bigger was at play and that the purpose would be revealed to me if it was meant to be revealed and that all I need to do was trust in the process.

It was a really cool feeling.  I didn't stress out, I didn't cry or get angry.  I was calm and at peace and so my body wasn't compromised by an extreme emotional circumstance, I was able to maintain balance throughout the whole thing.  I was even laughing at the situation.  The poor guy got away with a purse (not brand name) with no cash at all in it, a maxed out credit card and a debit card attached to a bank account that is most likely in overdraft at the moment.  The cell phone is 2 years old, weathered, worn and dead.  He did not benefit at all from this experience except that last night as I laid in bed I said a prayer for his safety and well-being.  In that way he might have received his greatest reward.  I imagine not many people in his life pray for his well-being.

So maybe the vortex in my art work symbolizes that I am living within my vortex more now then I ever have? 

Maybe.

If you'd like more information about how to start living within your vortex I would love to guide you there : )

Death perception

Let's shift your death perception shall we?

Death is a 3D illusion.

I know this to be true because we are all energetic beings.  Made from pure divine energy and energy is never ending.  It is a continuous flow and cannot be destroyed.

Of course we feel the loss of our loved ones physical presence in our life, but they are not truly "dead".  They have simply transitioned to a higher state of being and moved from this dense earthly plane to a higher, lighter less restricted plane.

Some very key people in my life have transitioned this year.  My brother, my first employer, a close friend from the past, as well as many others.  With each death I find myself adventuring into my emotions about the event.  What is it that makes me sad, angry, regreful?  Is it that the person had to experience "death" or am I sad that I didn't?  I certainly feel sadness for the family, they must now begin living without the physical presence of their loved one.  Their smiles and laughter, their guidance and direction, their voice.  But ultimately I believe that our souls mourn because we are still here, we have been left behind and well....that sucks!

At the soul level we are all very much aware of the oneness of the energy that brings our bodies into physical reality, aware of how life on earth is painful; and aware that there is a more pleasant and peaceful reality beyond living on this planet.  Knowing that this life is not permanent and that there is a much better place ahead is calming to the soul.  But for some reason it is a cause for anxiety and panic in our physical consciousness.  A lot of people fear the end of their life, they believe that they will miss their loved ones, that they will be left in between worlds and alone, they believe that they will be punished at the pearly gates.


I've read many books that contradict each other on the topic of what happens after you die, I've watched many tv shows about ghosts and crossing over, I've also watched a few scary movies that depict the dead as zombies and the like.  These serve to confuse the heck out of us.  They fuel the fear of death programming we've been subjected to.  They play with our minds and make us believe that "death" is a very bad thing and that we must fear it until....well....the day we "die".

The transition we call death is just that, a transition into another state.  Our energy is transmuted into another form.  Not the physical form we are used to, but something we deny because we haven't seen it.  (The brain only knows what it knows and doesn't know what it can't see)

Loved ones who transition should be celebrated, not mourned.  They have successfully completed their time here on earth and have graduated to a higher "grade" so to speak.

Although, I don't think most of us are ready for the dialogue that goes like this:
"Old Joe passed away in his sleep last night"
"That's fantastic, way to go Joe!".

But one day we will be.

A Soul-full experience

I have always liked painting and creating, but never felt like I was very good at it.  As a young girl I would spend lots of time with my cousin and her husband, and the first thing we would do upon my arrival is visit the local ceramic store, pick up a few pieces and spend most of our time painting during our visit.

I cherished these pieces, I think my mom still may have one of them and I don't know where the others have gone.  But, I do still have a few Christmas ornaments for the tree that I painted myself as a girl.  It's really neat to unpack them and remember the fun I had while I painted.

On Saturday I was reminded of that fun, that childlike innocence that peeks through when I am given an opportunity to create (good at it or not).

I attended an Intuitive Art Workshop with Maggie McLeod and was taught how to clear my mind and allow the message and visions to flow, then transfer them onto paper.  I was so nervous about this for many reasons.  One being my own judgement of my abilities.  I usually try too hard when I sit down to paint and therefore have a hard time allowing the information to flow, then I am scared to share what I created because it doesn't feel good to me (mostly because I forced it onto the paper).  I was also nervous that someone would tell me how much my artwork stank...

These fears of course were unfounded as I quickly realized that most of us in the room were having the same issues, our insecurities were running rampant and we were all a little wary of how this day was going to turn out and what we would gain from it.  We were all supportive of each other and I soon recognized that this day was a big part of our journey and it was a step that must be taken.

I surprised myself by creating 3 very unique and interesting pieces (2 are pictured, the 3rd didn't photograph so well).  The message from my soul was clearly mapped out in my artwork.

We all marveled at each other's artwork, each of us had a distinct style and even if you didn't know who did the art you knew which 3 belonged together, our styles were very clear and the artwork of our souls was marvelous!

I am so grateful to have had this experience, it has unlocked a part of me that has been sleeping and I just simply cannot wait to delve deeper into my subconscious to pull out more art from my soul.

The process was easy; I cleared my mind, took some deep breaths, randomly picked up a color and let my hand do what it needed to do.  It was an addictive process also and found it hard to stop drawing when our time had ended.

So, all of these years I thought I wasn't talented, that I wasn't worthy of being a creative person and that I was destined to be completely blocked when it came to artful expression.  I was completely wrong!  I am talented, worthy and creatively UNblocked!  It's an amazingly liberating feeling to put pencil to paper and just allow your soul to draw and create.


I encourage everyone to give it a try.  Don't pre-judge or TRY too hard when you are sitting down to be creative, let the ideas and images flow easily and lovingly.  Then sit back and enjoy the creation of your soul.

If you love someone.......

An interesting thought has come to mind this morning that I thought I'd share.

When we are fully engaged in a relationship, whether it is spouse, friend or family member; do we fully appreciate, understand and know the other person?  Do we truly connect with the gift that they are in our lives to provide?

I've had this happen so many times in my life and I'm just wondering why it happens.  You have a relationship and it goes along nicely and sometimes gradually or abruptly the relationship comes to an end (this part I get, it's a natural part of evolution).  When the end is near one of two things may happen.  Either we part silently, each of us understanding and accepting that our time together has come to an end or (and here is the part I'm not totally sure about) there is a need for closure by either one of us, there are words, accusations and blame exchanged or some sort of resistance to departure that takes place (I know some people who have been stalked after ending a relationship).

In all of the instances when I have experienced the latter I am always surprised at the things that are said to me, that make me think and feel like that person never truly understood who I was in the first place.  It is hurtful in the beginning until I take the time to understand why it took place the way it did.

One could argue that perhaps we don't share our whole selves with them and there wasn't an opportunity for them to truly get to know us.  That's a possibility.  But if you are someone who shares your whole heart with someone, is able and willing to help when necessary in any capacity that is required and is available to the other person when they are in need of a listening ear or comforting hug then how can they be so accusatory when the relationship ends?

We've all been here.  We've all been in relationships that simply did not meet our requirements any longer, some actually become toxic and smothering.  I'm sure we've also all been accused of being someone we are not even when we've given our absolute best selves to these people.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to fear.  They know in their hearts the kind of person you are and how much their life has benefited from you being a part of it.  When that relationship comes to an end I believe that it is our overwhelming fear of never finding that in a relationship again that makes us engage in behaviour that is less than desirable.  There is a need to hurt the other person as badly as they have hurt us.

Of course every situation is different, but I believe that one thing remains the same.  If there is a need to end a relationship then it is because the relationship no longer serves the highest purpose of the people involved.  You cannot stay in a relationship hoping to save someone from themselves, you cannot stay in a relationship hoping to change someone and you cannot stay in a relationship out of obligation.  Staying in a relationship where you do not belong is toxic to you and it hinders the growth of the other person.  They will not be able to move forward in their life lessons if you are still attached to them.

It's like that saying "If you love someone let them go". 

People grow and evolve sometimes at lightning speed, the person you are today is not the person (hopefully) you will be in 6 months and so how can your relationships stay the same unless you have friends who are moving at exactly the same pace that you are  This is extremely rare by the way!

I have had friends leave my life, only to find that 2 or more years down the road there they are again, but we are different, something has changed in us so that we can once again bless each other's lives with our presence. You know that all is in perfect order when that happens and you can allow yourself to get to know this person again as they are now, not as they were then.


May you be blessed with loving friends and family, and my you also be blessed with the knowledge that we are not each other's keepers and the greatest gift you can give is to be open to moving with the flow of life and allowing people to come and go as they please without holding resentment and anger towards them for doing so.

The process of healing & transforming

The state that your body is in, in this exact moment is the direct result of your past thoughts, actions and words.

The majority of the people in this world are walking around carrying extra weight, eating the wrong foods, thinking they are unworthy and telling people how sick they are?  This is just one of the many recipes that create a physical body that is not in alignment and therefore will manifest pain, illness and disease.
 
I've said it before and I'll say it again:  Whatever your situation is at the moment.  You have the power to change it.  In this moment you can change your weight issues, relationship issues, health and money issues.  Although, the process of healing & transforming is sometimes not an easy one, it is well worth all of the effort you put into it. 

I recently experienced a situation that brought my consciousness back to the time when I was 3 or 4 years old.  I felt powerless, alone, invisible and violated.  I was having a hard time figuring out why this was coming up all of a sudden and having an even more difficult time wondering why I was feeling like I didn't fit in, in the adult world.  As I was talking to a good friend of mine about processing and releasing past traumas, I had a visual of a time when I was around 3 or 4 that triggered these same feelings.  These feelings had begun to manifest as a pain in my wrist, (wrist issues tend to relate to the ease of forward movement in life).  I was able to acknowledge what had happened and change the situation in my mind to involve a scenerio that helped those feelings to transmute into safety, security and love.  All from the simple acceptance of a vision.  And this morning the pain in my wrist is gone.

I am a firm believer in awareness.  I believe that once the conscious mind becomes aware and accepts the root cause of our current emotional state then we immediately begin the process of healing & transforming ourselves.  The body wants to naturally heal itself, but it needs the minds cooperation of course.  If your mind has become aware of an issue and your body begins the process of healing and then your mind decides "no, this is too painful to allow myself to look at it" the body will begin to regress, back and forth this process goes until pain and illness are the result.  You are allowing your past to control your present.

Not many of us realize that the way we react to situations is the direct result of a past experience.  The cells in our body carry all of the memories of our past experiences around with us until we consciously make the decision to release or change the memory.  And so in each and every moment of each and every day, you have the ability to become consciously aware of the moment you are in, recognize where the emotion, reaction, thought is coming from and release it.

For example, the ideals we were raised with regarding money directly affect our financial situation today.   How many of us grew up in families who believed that people with money were better than everyone else, or that money was the root of all evil?  If you had a well to do aunt or uncle or cousin how did your family perceive them?  What was the collective ideal about money?  Was it a mentality of abundance or lack?  Did you hear your parents say things like "we can't afford it" "money doesn't grow on trees".  All of these things shape your belief about money and so that same belief is living inside of you and every time you think about  money or see someone with lots of money you get that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach  and up creeps that belief that was put in place about money.

This information can change your perception and awareness of your life if you allow it to. 

There is equal potential for all of us to be affected by our past.  There is also equal potential for each of us to improve our lives through awareness.

If I had my way......

If I had my way.  Christmas would be about the birth of Christ.  Not about how much time, money and effort we spent finding the perfect gift for someone.

If I had my way.  Christmas music would be banned until the week before the big day and big fines would be charged to all of the stores that use it like subliminal messages to raise the anxiety of their customers.

If I had my way.  Outdoor Christmas lights wouldn't exist.  Doesn't anyone else recognize all the power that is being used needlessly just to brighten up the outside of your house or building at night when everyone
                                                      is asleep???  Whose gonna see it anyway???

If I had my way.  We would spend our money not on useless gifts for each other, but on food and necessities for those who have been put out of their homes and have nothing this holiday season.


If I had my way.  Those of us that feel Christmas has become a huge marketing scam wouldn't be ashamed to say so in public.  It's kept like a dangerous secret behind a slight smile every time someone mentions how much they love Christmas.  Heaven forbid we actually voice our feelings about it for fear that we'll be judged.

Don't get me wrong, there is a part of me that envies all those people who embrace this holiday season.  I wish that I could feel like they do.  Honestly, it's never been my favourite time of year.  It's never been about the REAL stuff, the love, the togetherness, family.

I suppose one could argue that the giving of all of those gifts is how we show love for each other. 

As a child I received many, many gifts from my family.  But I still felt alone, unworthy and misunderstood.  So, in my opinion gifts don't quite cut it when it comes to what we as human beings truly need in this life.  We certainly don't need more stuff.  We need more hugs, hand holding, understanding, kindness and compassion.  Those are the true gifts of Christmas.

Christmas is about reaching out to people, touching their lives.  Not with an expensive gift but with your heart.

The message from the Universe is that "you are gift enough".  You are gift enough to your family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers.  In all of the ways that you make life better each and every day, this is the truest gift. 

So put down the expectations and anxiety of financial lack this Christmas.  Empty your arms of the burdens that are lying ahead of you and wrap those empty arms around someone who needs you, by far this will be the best gift you will ever give someone this Christmas.

Merry Christmas!